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[personal profile] lucysaxon
I've found if you get enough sleep deprived people in the same room things tend to happen. Usually that something is porn but this time it was complete and utter crack.

I want to thank [livejournal.com profile] talkingtothesky, [livejournal.com profile] xiilnek, [livejournal.com profile] bastardlyarmed and [livejournal.com profile] chamekke for the most fun a person could have with her clothes on.;)


Lucy:
What are we talking about again?
sky:
and my first love was a little yellow car..you can see how i so easily progressed to a bigger, bronze

car
Lucy:
Does Tina love you more than the yellow one?
sky:
i ruddy hope so
Lucy:
You and that bloody car. I'm sick of 'earing about it.
sky:
what? that's the first time I’ve mentioned it! been keeping our love a secret, y'see. don't want the

guv to come after me
Lucy:
After taking a ride in her back passage believe me, she's nothing special.
sky:
you...! *splutters indignantly* you're both cheating on me!!
Lucy:
It's not my fault!
sky:
what d'yer mean it's not yer fault!?
Lucy:
Before I could stop it I was inside of her tight darkness.
Lucy:
That was baaaad
sky:
don't you start....!!!! *incoherent with rage*
Lucy:
Are you okay, Guv? Dya need to sit down a mo?
sky:
shut it, ya div.
Lucy:
Oi! I was just trying to be nice. I won't make that mistake again.
sky:
you had sex with my Tina!
sky:
(how did we get here again?)
Lucy:
No I didn't you you lunatic bastard! You threw me in the boot, remember?!
sky:
yer weren’t supposed to go takin' advantage!
sky:
was meant to be a punishment!
Lucy:
It was dark, I had time to kill.
Lucy:
And the vibrations...
sky:
don't need you to tell me about the vibrations..
Lucy:
Know from experience, Gene?
Lucy:
And you call me the kinky one...
sky:
she IS my Tina!
bastardlyarmed:
...
Lucy:
(hahahaha I think we are scaring bastardly)
bastardlyarmed:
*shuffles out of sight*
sky:
(sorry, bastardly, i don't know either)
Lucy:
(we're sleep deprived, that's our only excuse)
sky:
(exactly)
bastardlyarmed:
hahaha
Lucy:
You care more about that bloody car than you do me! *emotional turmoil*
sky:
least she doesn't yap on at me all bloody day
Lucy:
I don't need this shit, Gene. I'm not in the mood and you're seriously trying what patience I have

left.
sky:
you're upset wi'ME? i should be kicking ten types o'shit out of yer, you dirty little cheater!
Lucy:
I was joking with you, Gene! Jesus fucking wept.
sky:
mind yer language! could be children about
Lucy:
I can't believe you of all people are lecturing me on language. You're a hipocrite bastard, you

know that?
sky:
and before you start, the f-word is much worse than shite, tyler
Lucy:
Are you deliberately being a prick today or is it your natural charm showing through?
sky:
are you deliberately being a noncy-arsed bastard or are you always like that?
sky:
oh, i think i know the answer to that!
Lucy:
I'm only like this because I know it annoys you.
sky:
don't ask stupid questions, tyler.
xiilnek:
[oh come on Tyler, you know prick comes natural to you.]
Lucy:
Oh, look Gene. Seems I'm not the only person that knows you.
xiilnek:
[I was actually referring to Sam but really it comes natural to both of you]
xiilnek:
[that's why you luuuuuuurve one another so]
Lucy:
Oi!
sky:
piss off! who are yer, anyway?
xiilnek:
An interested citizen.
sky:
what sort of a poncy name is xiilnek? bet yer can't even pronounce it!
Lucy:
Interested in what, exactly?
xiilnek:
Admittedly it is hard on my sex life - can't exactly scream it out during The Moment.
Lucy:
Sounds foreign, Guv
xiilnek:
You. And your pricks.
Lucy:
Gene, show some tact, yeah?
xiilnek:
After that comment I don't think I deserve tact... But thank you.
Lucy:
That's a rather interesting accent you have, mind if I ask where you're from?
sky:
tact? tact!? maybe you should'a shown some bloody tact before pretending you'd slept with my

car!
xiilnek:
Oh, here. There. Around. :)
Lucy:
Fuck's sake, Gene, for the last time I was joking with you!
sky:
and i told you before, wash your bloody mouth out!
Lucy:
And d'you really think it's wise to be arguing our personal business in front of the stranger with the

interesting accent?
xiilnek:
It's okay, I'd be lurkin in the trees listening anyway.
xiilnek:
ninja in training, you see
xiilnek:
It's a school project.
sky:
bollocks. probably live in a skip
xiilnek:
*does not know what a skip is but since it's Gene, assumes it's kinky*
Lucy:
And this "school project" involves following us around why?
xiilnek:
Had to be someone. And you're both pretty damn sexy, so... *shrugs*
sky:
(skip's a big container to dump rubbish)
Lucy:
Are you aware that stalking is a criminal offence, miss?
Guest has changed their user name to chamekke
xiilnek:
Not for ninjas!
xiilnek:
It's the ninja way of life!
xiilnek:
Besides, is it stalking if it only lasts one day?
sky:
yes!
xiilnek:
Well just try and catch me, copper!
Lucy:
I don't care if it's five minutes. It's stalking and punishable by law.
xiilnek:
*jumps into a tree*
chamekke:
*reading above dialogue, and trying to work out who's who*
sky:
should bang you up for molesting a police officer!
xiilnek:
[I think Lucy's Sam]
xiilnek:
Ooooh is that a promise Genie?
chamekke:
I hope to God someone is tape-recording this. For... investigation purposes.
sky:
(could copy/paste if you like)
xiilnek:
*as a ninja in training, should have brought a recording device*
chamekke:
This belongs on Crotchbook!
Lucy:
Xiilnek I am arresting you on the charge of stalking two police officers. You do not have to say

anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you may%
Lucy:
later rely on in court
xiilnek:
Can't arrest me if you can't catch me.
chamekke:
*drives up in getaway car*
chamekke:
'Op in!
Lucy:
Oi!
xiilnek:
*tries to jump to a higher branch*
chamekke:
'Op in, LOVELY.
chamekke:
Um... you're a chimp?
xiilnek:
A NINJA
chamekke:
*now very confused*
sky:
get back 'ere you scrawny little runt!
Lucy:
(I'd do it before it disappears if you're gonna do it)
chamekke:
Ninja chimps!
xiilnek:
Do chimps wear this sort of an outfit!
xiilnek:
Honestly?
chamekke:
(see: Altar chimps)
xiilnek:
:( Not a monkey! [Dave the Barbarian reference, watch no one get it]
chamekke:
What's a ninja doing in Birmingham?
xiilnek:
Training!
xiilnek:
Doing a school project on these fine officers of the law.
chamekke:
Avoid Birmingham New Street. The announcements are incomprehensible.
sky:
liar! liar liar liar
xiilnek:
... My report will leave out the fact that I started talking to them.
chamekke:
Kinky skip! *rofl*
chamekke:
*still reading and laughing*
xiilnek:
*attempts to do a ninja air tuck twisty thing from the tree to a nearby building*

sky:
er, sam? any ideas, brainiac?
xiilnek:
*clings to the wall of the building and laughs at them*
chamekke:
Geez, ninja chimp. I was offering you a getaway car. *pouts*
sky:
and you - you can stay right where you are!
sky:
*cuffs chamekke to tree*
chamekke:
Ouch!
Lucy:
*Sam is having a moment because he has awesome timing*
chamekke:
Heyyy, baby. *strokes tree* That's some...bark you've got. Is it worse than your... bite?
chamekke:
*has chlorophyll kink*
xiilnek:
*blowdarts Sam with something and flips up, picking the handcuffs and disappearing into the

getaway car*
sky:
oi, sammy-boy!? got another kinky one for ya! should start a club!
chamekke:
That's my car, ninja chimp! Why you...!
xiilnek:
*offers Chamekke a ride*
xiilnek:
*even though she's still NOT A MONKEY*
chamekke:
Oh, all right then. *gets in*
bastardlyarmed:
Right. You're all definitely constructs.
xiilnek:
*wishes for a motorcycle*
chamekke:
Wait. Are you one of those macaques?
xiilnek:
As long as you're not calling me a monkey.
chamekke:
*angelic look*
Lucy:
Who the bloody hell are you?
sky:
tyler? what ever 'appened to yer briliant timiny?
sky:
*timing
chamekke:
I don't know who I am, Sam!Lucy. I have... amnesia.
chamekke:
*swoons*
xiilnek:
No, Sam's timiny is quite brilliant too.
xiilnek:
Good with a bit of lamb.
chamekke:
Cutest timiny I ever saw!
bastardlyarmed:
I'm DI Alex Drake, and you all are in my mind.
sky:
(what's a timiny? *confused*)
xiilnek:
*plays some dramatic music in honor of the amnesia*
Lucy:
What's wrong, Gene? Can the Gene Genie not even arrest two rather strange foreigners on his

own?
sky:
(is it an acutal word then?)
xiilnek:
(god knows what a timiny is. Makes me think of rice.)
sky:
*actual
xiilnek:
(or maybe hominy)
chamekke:
Timiny? or macaque?
chamekke:
Macaque sounds like a Scottish law firm.
sky:
not at all, sammy-boy! just thought that as payback for being a bastard cheat yer might like ter

handle this one!
chamekke:
Quick, Mr/Ms Ninja! Drive away as fast as you can, with suitably squealing tyres!
xiilnek:
*is idling in the getaway car, waiting for the coppers to start doin something*
bastardlyarmed:
!!!
xiilnek:
*drives in circles around the tree*
Lucy:
Oh, for god sake Gene drop it, yeah?
xiilnek:
*burns rubber*
chamekke:
*is pleased at self for remembering the Y in 'tyres'*
chamekke:
*cause usually forgets it*
Lucy:
They're getting away and you're still going on about me molesting the Cortina!
sky:
ow old are you, twelve?
chamekke:
Ninja lad, a straight line would be good...
xiilnek:
*is going in circles around the coppers*
xiilnek:
*not really getting away*
chamekke:
Are you trying to dig a moat?
sky:
what we s'posed to do now? *feels dizzy*
xiilnek:
It's no fun if they're not chasing!
xiilnek:
*halts the car with a screeeeeeeeeeeech*
Lucy:
I've woken up in the bloody Twilight Zone today
xiilnek:
Just be glad you didn't wake up in Camberwick Green.
sky:
i don't care whether you've woken up in the bloody dark ages, think of something
chamekke:
Who says you've woken up? This could be a dream within a dream.
Lucy:
What do you know about Camberwick Green?
xiilnek:
I know Gene should stay out of it.
Lucy:
How long have you been stalking me?
chamekke:
Plenty. *looks shifty*
bastardlyarmed:
... ... ...
xiilnek:
Time has no concept for a ninja!
xiilnek:
I just *know*
chamekke:
How!
xiilnek:
*twiddles fingers creepily*
Lucy:
Gene, why have we not arrested them by now?
sky:
b'cuz you're a tosspot, tyler!
xiilnek:
*taps fingers on the wheel, waits expectantly*
Lucy:
*dramatic sigh*
chamekke:
Keep that up, Hunt, and Litton will have Sam proposing marriage to him in no time.
bastardlyarmed:
*facepalms*
xiilnek:
Come on then, jump on the hood then, there's a good little copper.
chamekke:
I prefer bad little coppers.
sky:
litton?! *shakin with rage* what a've yeh done now?
xiilnek:
Okay, those too.
Lucy:
I 'ven't done anything!
Lucy:
Why are you listening to them?
chamekke:
*speaks slowly in Hungarian* Let me fondle your buttocks.
Lucy:
They're clearly mentally unstable
xiilnek:
[chamekke I love you]
chamekke:
I believe I just said, "I haven't done anything, DCI Hunt."
Lucy:
They need mental help, Gene.
Lucy:
And it's our duty to make sure they get it
chamekke:
Or a better dictionary!
xiilnek:
... You're one to talk.
xiilnek:
[to Tyler]
bastardlyarmed:
Oi! I'm a psychologist. I can help.
Lucy:
Oi!
chamekke:
*growls* Glad that wasn't addressed to me, you HOT ninja, you. *smooches*
sky:
you'll be needing mental help in a minute, tyler!
bastardlyarmed:
I think.
xiilnek:
! *is smooched*
chamekke:
*thoroughly confused now, but loving it*
Lucy:
You never even told me who you are?
Lucy:
(this is all sky's fault)
chamekke:
I was amnesiac. Then I was Litton... I think. Possibly I am now a chimp.
bastardlyarmed:
I said I was DI Alex Drake...if you would pay attention instead of staring at "Gene" over there
sky:
bastardly...great name, by the way *reaches out a hand to shake*
Lucy:
(hold up, c/p'ing)
Lucy:
(bastardly is Alex)
chamekke:
Corpsing?
bastardlyarmed has changed their user name to Alex Drake
xiilnek has changed their user name to Not a Monkey
chamekke:
Ohhhh.
Alex Drake:
(That should help XD)
chamekke has changed their user name to ninja chimp
sky:
Drakey! Well what a pleasant surprise! NOT.
ninja chimp:
MUCH less confusing now :-)
Alex Drake:
Don't think I haven't noticed, "Sam".
sky:
you should be in london!
Alex Drake:
Yeah, and you're a lovely little lucky box over there, "Gene".
Lucy:
London? Gene do you know this woman?
Lucy has changed their user name to SexehSammy
Not a Monkey:
Oh he knows her alright. *waggles eyebrows*
Not a Monkey:
*hopes Sam gets jealous*
sky:
she's a colleague...look, does it matter? you're the one who shagged me CAR!
SexehSammy:
Gene, I asked you a bloody question.
SexehSammy:
Yes it matters!
Not a Monkey:
*turns the getaway car off to save gas*
sky has changed their user name to SexehGene
ninja chimp:
*pats Not on back for environmental sensitivity*
Alex Drake:
"Gene" wishes he knew me, "Sam".
ninja chimp:
:-)
SexehSammy:
A few minutes ago you were getting jealous over that fucking car and now I find out you have

some cheap trick on the side in London?
SexehSammy:
This is not on, Gene.
ninja chimp:
I don't want to be a ninja chimp any more, but I can't change my name...
SexehGene:
not cheap! bloody posh tart, that one!
ninja chimp has changed their user name to DCI Litton
Alex Drake:
*gasps* I AM NOT A CHEAP TRICK. I am a respectable DI from the Met!
Not a Monkey:
Oooh, and the bitch is back. You go Sammy, work it girl!
DCI Litton has changed their user name to SexehLitton
SexehSammy:
*punches you square in the face, you cheating bastard*
SexehLitton:
Want to be wined and dined, Sammy?
Alex Drake:
o_O
SexehLitton:
*makes smoochy mouth*
SexehLitton:
Embrace my moustache!
SexehGene:
*staggers, tastes blood* YOU. SLEPT. WITH THE CAR!
Alex Drake:
Whoa, whoa whoa, no need to get violent *secretly cheers Sam on*
SexehSammy:
Wha-? Not now, Litton!
SexehLitton:
When if not now?
SexehLitton:
*cries*
SexehSammy:
You know what
SexehSammy:
Actually
SexehGene:
Sam!
SexehLitton:
*waggles hopefully*
Not a Monkey:
*finds a good spot, pulls out the video camera, and sets in for a good lurk*
SexehLitton has changed their user name to Saucepan
SexehSammy:
*Grabs Litton by the lapels and pulls him in for a kiss, trying to ignore the furry rodent on his

face*
Saucepan:
falls on Litton's head, knocking him out
Saucepan has changed their user name to SexehLitton
SexehLitton:
Wha? Whe-- where am I?
SexehLitton:
Who are you?
SexehGene:
Sam Tyler, you utter bastard! *stalks off*
SexehLitton:
Who are me?
Alex Drake:
...*mentally notes that "Sam" and "Gene" are bisexual, maybe her mind is telling her something*
Alex Drake:
Oi! Gene! Wait up! *runs after him*
SexehLitton:
Kiss me, you SexehStranger!
SexehGene:
Nobody! Sodding talk to me! Especially not you, Drake.
SexehSammy:
*realises what I've done and is mortified*
SexehLitton:
*busses Sam's beautiful mouth with great energy*
SexehLitton:
*adds a spot of tongue for extra sex appeal*
SexehSammy:
(brb gotta wake him up)
SexehGene:
(good luck LU!)
Alex Drake:
It's better to vocalize your frustration at Sam, Gene.
SexehLitton:
Aaauugh!
SexehGene:
i aint gonna vocalise nothing!
SexehLitton:
*looks at Gene speculatively*
SexehLitton:
You are also a sexeh stranger...
SexehLitton:
*bites lip seductively*
SexehLitton:
Come get to know my moustache...
SexehLitton:
*chews bottom lip, then smiles*
SexehGene:
where d'you get off with yer fancy words anyway, Di Drake?
SexehSammy:
What the hell, Gene? Is there anyone or anything you aren't having it off with?
SexehGene:
*grabs Litton by the lapels, shoves him away and plants him facefirst into the concrete* *knicks the

saucepan from ealier*
SexehLitton:
Oi! I'm the slutboi, not Gene! I'd even have it off with that ninja chimp I saw earlier...
SexehGene:
*knocks him out cold*
SexehLitton:
*guh*
SexehLitton:
*stops breathing*
SexehLitton has changed their user name to DeadLitton
SexehGene:
Sam! Wanna talk to yeh, you bloody bastard!
Alex Drake:
Dunno.
SexehSammy:
(I am copy and pasting all of this by the way if anyone wants transcripts)
SexehSammy:
I've nothing else to say to you Gene.
DeadLitton:
I'd read them up here... in heaven.
SexehGene:
(i'll have one later, thanks ;p)
Alex Drake:
*mentally notes that Gene is a stubborn git*
Alex Drake:
Look, Gene, I'm sure that all of this is just a misunderstanding...
SexehGene:
Tyler! Listen ter me for once, you dozy git.
Not a Monkey:
[do zombie littion! You know you want to! He can do the Thriller dance!]
DeadLitton:
Actually I'm probably in purgatory. But I'd still like a transcript. *makes haunting noises*
DeadLitton has changed their user name to ZombieLitton
ZombieLitton:
I am back! From the DEAD!
SexehGene:
You can shut up an' all, Drake. M' trying to do what you wanted!
ZombieLitton:
And even better-looking!
ZombieLitton:
Brains.... BRAINNNNSSS...
SexehSammy:
No, it's over and I probably should have cared more about this than our relationship but did you

kill Litton?
SexehGene:
*knicks a stake from somewhere*
ZombieLitton:
...are what you lack, Gene Hunt. You're safe.
SexehGene:
*kills Zombie Litton. again*
ZombieLitton:
Now, SexeySammy over there... *licks chops*
ZombieLitton:
Try again, Gene. Server hiccup.
Alex Drake:
*shuts up per Gene's orders and observes*
SexehGene:
You're dead, Zombie Litton!
ZombieLitton:
SexehSammy... *advances on Sam*
ZombieLitton:
Give me your delectable, overworked, angsty... brains!
SexehGene:
And get yer grubby paws away from my sam!
ZombieLitton:
The saucepan would be useful. I could fry 'em up with onions.
SexehSammy:
Stay where you are
ZombieLitton:
I'm dead! Not goin' far.
ZombieLitton:
BRAAAAAINS...
ZombieLitton:
*staggers forward*
Alex Drake:
(Oh man this is total crack now ^_^)
SexehSammy:
Wait a tick, I've never seen a zombie film where the zombies talk
ZombieLitton:
Must have 21st century BRAAAAINS....
ZombieLitton:
I'm a clever zombie.
SexehSammy:
Why does life never happen the way it does in the films?
ZombieLitton:
Also telepathic, apparently.
SexehGene:
Sam! Watch yerself!
ZombieLitton:
There are such unkind stereotypes of zombies. *sighs*
ZombieLitton:
*chomps on Sam's ear*
ZombieLitton:
Yum!
SexehSammy:
Oi!
ZombieLitton:
*tries to gnaw it off*
Alex Drake:
Right. Definitely all happening in my head, can I wake up now? Please?
SexehSammy:
*kicks you away before you get to take a bite out of Sammy*
ZombieLitton:
Anyone have some tomato sauce?
SexehGene:
TYLLEERRR! *sprints* *drags litton away*
ZombieLitton:
Or a spot of salad cream...
Alex Drake:
So I can see Molly and have birthday cake...
SexehSammy:
*grabs gun and shoots zombie!Litton in the head*
ZombieLitton:
Can I have that woman's brains instead? *points at Alex*
ZombieLitton:
*is incredibly resilient zombie*
SexehGene:
*shoots bastard thing again*
ZombieLitton:
Ya got me! I'm dyin'!
ZombieLitton:
DIES
Alex Drake:
... ... ...
ZombieLitton has changed their user name to CorpseLitton
SexehGene:
Good! *shoots again for good measure*
Alex Drake:
T.T
CorpseLitton has changed their user name to DIES SOME MORE
DIES SOME MORE:
...
Alex Drake:
I WANT TO GO HOME NOW
DIES SOME MORE has changed their user name to TotallyDeadLitton
SexehSammy:
(I can't stop laughing, Sam is having a pig in space moment while I collect my sanity)
SexehGene:
*goes to Sam and holds him in his arms before anything else can happen*
TotallyDeadLitton has changed their user name to VampireLitton
Not a Monkey has changed their user name to Miracle Max
VampireLitton:
Turns out I was bitten by a vampire chimp.
VampireLitton:
*advances on Sam again*
SexehSammy:
oi!
VampireLitton:
BLOODY braaaaains...
SexehSammy:
*shoots*
SexehGene:
NOOO! *lets go of Sam long enough to shoot Vampire*
Alex Drake:
...
Alex Drake:
...
Alex Drake:
...
Alex Drake:
...
Alex Drake:
...
VampireLitton:
"Shoots"? Come on, man.
VampireLitton:
I'm a vampire, not a rabid dog.
VampireLitton:
*bites Gene in neck*
VampireLitton:
Mmmm, manly.
Alex Drake:
Gene, can we go back to London now?
VampireLitton:
*bites Alex in neck*
SexehSammy:
Gene!
SexehGene:
Well, bugger. *flops*
Alex Drake:
I don't mind if you drag Sam along
Alex Drake:
...*slaps vampire!litton away then stakes him*
VampireLitton:
*turns into dust*
SexehSammy:
Thanks for that
SexehGene has changed their user name to DyingGene
SexehSammy:
No!
Alex Drake:
Yeah, no problem.
SexehSammy:
Gene, you idiot!
Alex Drake:
Oh, look, it's the Cortina
Miracle Max:
*runs onscreen, pops a chocolate coated miracle pill in Gene's mouth, and runs offscreen again*
Alex Drake:
*gets into it and hot-wires the car*
VampireLitton has changed their user name to Dust In The Wind
SexehSammy:
*sobs*
DyingGene has changed their user name to NotDyingAnyMoreGene
Alex Drake:
OI! GENIE, I'M STEALING YOUR CAR
SexehSammy:
*grabs Gene and kisses him breathless*
NotDyingAnyMoreGene:
*drags hismelf to feet* *leans into kiss*
SexehSammy:
You stupid ape! Don't you go dying on me.
Dust In The Wind:
*thinks: there is definitely a primate theme in this crack*
NotDyingAnyMoreGene has changed their user name to BloodyRelievedGene
BloodyRelievedGene:
*holds onto Sam tightly*
Dust In The Wind has changed their user name to Sam's Arse
BloodyRelievedGene:
Was s'posed to be having a relaxing weekend away.
Sam's Arse:
*wriggles happily*
SexehSammy:
Oi!
Sam's Arse:
I've a mind of my own, I have.
BloodyRelievedGene:
*is very confused*
Sam's Arse:
*wriggles some more*
SexehSammy:
*is confused as well*
BloodyRelievedGene has changed their user name to BloodyConfusedGene
Alex Drake:
*drives off to London in Gene's Cortina*
SexehSammy:
Gene, the Cortina...
BloodyConfusedGene:
Drake's stolen me ruddy car!
Sam's Arse:
I was looking forward to sitting in that.
SexehSammy:
It's always the women...
BloodyConfusedGene:
What m'I gonna do now?
Sam's Arse:
Pay me some attention!
SexehSammy:
I guess we go to London
SexehSammy:
You can't live without your bloody precious Cortina
SexehSammy:
if only we had a ride there...
BloodyConfusedGene:
*is very confused, so squeezes Sam's Arse for reassureance*
Sam's Arse:
Squeezes back.
SexehSammy:
Gene!
Sam's Arse:
Hee.
SexehSammy:
Focus please
Sam's Arse:
I *am* focusing...
SexehSammy:
What happened to those strange girls from earlier
BloodyConfusedGene:
What? You're busy yapping and e's busy wiggling!
SexehSammy:
They had a car
Sam's Arse:
*waggles sadly*
BloodyConfusedGene:
Who dy'a thknk I'm gonna pick?
SexehSammy:
They could drive us to get the Cortina
Alex Drake:
*dumps the Cortina into the Thames, walks back to the Met*
BloodyConfusedGene has changed their user name to SexehGene
Sam's Arse has changed their user name to Sam's Todger
SexehSammy:
............
Sam's Todger:
Well, as long as we're stranded...
SexehGene:
*fondles*
Miracle Max has changed their user name to deus ex machina
Sam's Todger:
*pokes SexehGene lovingly*
deus ex machina:
*sends aliens to kidnap the cortina and drop it in front of Sam and Gene*
Sam's Todger:
*looks up*
SexehGene:
Yeah, bit busy right now, aliens,
Alex Drake:
(no deus ex machinas!!! XDDD)
Sam's Todger:
Now where were we? Oh yes. *pokes some more*
SexehSammy:
*isn't needed anymore*
deus ex machina has changed their user name to aliens
Alex Drake:
(Time Lords?)
Sam's Todger has changed their user name to Sam's Brain
aliens:
*blow raspberries and fly off to kidnap a cow or something*
SexehSammy has changed their user name to .....
SexehGene:
Course yeh needed. Sposed ter get me car back...oh.
SexehGene has changed their user name to REALLYConfusedGene
Alex Drake:
*comes back in the Quattro* Look, Gene, my car's better than yours!
Sam's Brain:
That... was good. *smokes cigarette*
REALLYConfusedGene:
What the'ells going on ere then?
Sam's Brain has changed their user name to Nelson
REALLYConfusedGene:
Where's SexehSammy gone?
REALLYConfusedGene:
Nelson! Ya gotta help me out 'ere, pal.
.....:
Pissed off down the pub
Alex Drake:
Dunno, Gene. Want to find out how much bolly it takes to bring my knickers down? <3
Nelson:
What'll you have, DI Tyler?
Nelson:
...mon brave.
.....:
Pint of bitter
.....:
'ts been a long day
REALLYConfusedGene:
*just wants his SexehSammy back*
Nelson:
'Ere you go. *plonks a pint on the counter*
REALLYConfusedGene has changed their user name to DepressedGene
..... has changed their user name to SexehSammy
SexehSammy:
Between the zobies, vampires and finding out Gene has been leading a double life with some cheap

tart in London it's been a long day, Nelson.
SexehSammy:
zombies*
Nelson:
Want to talk about it, mon brave?
aliens has changed their user name to zobies
Nelson:
You know... my Dad used to say you know you're really alive when...
Nelson:
you love a rough man, you've fought off some zombies, and you still have enough thirst to down a

pint.
SexehSammy:
(don't make fun of the sleepy girl's typing *cries*)
DepressedGene:
*wanders the streets of Birmingham, lost and alone*
Alex Drake:
*enters the RA and smacks Sam* Call me a cheap tart, Tyler, and I'll give you a sex change!
zobies:
*drool and claw at the window*
SexehSammy:
I almost lost him today
Nelson:
Why's that?
DepressedGene:
*runs into zombie* Shit!
Alex Drake:
Gene, tell Sam here that I'm not a cheap tart!
DepressedGene:
*runs the other way*
zobies:
*noms Gene's ankle*
Alex Drake:
...Gene?
DepressedGene:
*twitches*
Nelson:
*produces a cricket bat*
Nelson:
*hits zombies across head*
SexehSammy:
*rubs face where she smacked me* All do respect, while I appreciate you saving us earlier you

have been having it off with my boyfriend
Nelson:
Run, Gene!
DepressedGene:
*tries to shake free*
Nelson:
*hits zombies again. Or maybe zombie. Not sure how many*
SexehSammy:
*sigh* Not again...
Alex Drake:
No I haven't!
zobies has changed their user name to legion of zobies
Nelson:
*anyway, is incredibly deft with cricket bat*
DepressedGene:
*staggers, ankle won't hold him up* Need...Sam?
Nelson:
*OK, hits LOTS of zombies*
legion of zobies:
*skitter away from the mighty Cricket Bat Of Nelson*
Nelson:
Get away, man! I'm not THAT good a batsman!
SexehSammy:
Nelson, they're not zombies. They're worse, they're zobies!
Nelson:
Scarper! Run off! Flee! Make tracks!
DepressedGene has changed their user name to DeadGene
Nelson:
*hits zobies again*
legion of zobies:
*swarm around the pub*
Alex Drake:
Sam, trust me, I haven't had any relations with Gene besides a professional one.
Nelson:
*hits DeadGene for good measure*
Nelson:
*hits Alex just for the fun of it*
Alex Drake:
The "He's my bloody guv" one, that is
Nelson:
Oops, sorry.
Alex Drake:
OW! NELSON!
legion of zobies:
oooone of uuuuussssss *start to drag DeadGene outside*
Alex Drake:
*smacks Nelson*
Nelson:
Right, that's it. You're welcome to the pub. Leave the money on the counter.
Nelson:
*runs off*
SexehSammy:
If that's true *smacks zobie* then why didn't he tell me about you?
Nelson has changed their user name to Neil
legion of zobies:
*start doing Thriller, unanimously*
Neil:
Sam? Can you hear me, Sam?
legion of zobies:
Well he's one of us *now*
SexehSammy:
Nonononono this isn't happening...
legion of zobies:
He didn't very well get a chance to tell you between the bite and the dying, did he?
Neil:
It's all in your mind, Sam. If you take the definitive step... you can wake up.
Alex Drake:
*produces a sword from nowhere and starts beheading zobies* Dunno.
legion of zobies:
Um. We mean. *coughs* BRAAAINNNNZZZZZZ
Alex Drake:
I think he secretly wants us both
DeadGene has changed their user name to DeadGeneisDead
Neil:
Wake up. *thinks: I sounded like Inspector Clouseau just then*
Neil:
Wake up. *giggles*
SexehSammy:
Shit! Gene!
Neil has changed their user name to DCI Litton
SexehSammy:
You were dead!
DCI Litton:
So, DCI Hunt! Looking for brains? I shouldn't wonder.
SexehSammy:
What /are/ you?
legion of zobies:
*poke DeadGene*
DCI Litton:
You've enough need of some...
Alex Drake:
DAMNIT, THIS COST ME A WEEK'S WAGES
DCI Litton:
I have an ANTIBODY against zombiedom.
legion of zobies:
*wonder why he's not joining them for the MC Hammer slide*
Alex Drake:
*stabs Litton*
SexehSammy:
Gene, you can't be dead. You still have to fuck me into the mattress later.
Alex Drake:
Oh, shit, sorry, thought you were a zobie there
DCI Litton:
My boh-hh-dy contains the cure for zombie bites! AND vampire bites!
DCI Litton:
*dies*
DeadGeneisDead has changed their user name to DeadGeneisSTILLDead
DCI Litton has changed their user name to Angelic Litton
SexehSammy:
Gene
legion of zobies:
... >:|
Angelic Litton:
Right, off to heaven. Finally.
SexehSammy:
Gene this isn't funny, wake up
SexehSammy:
*does CPR*
Alex Drake:
He's dead, Sam.
Angelic Litton has changed their user name to chorus of violins
chorus of violins:
*plays softly*
SexehSammy:
No *cries*
SexehSammy:
No
Alex Drake:
OI! THIS IS MY CONSTRUCT
Alex Drake:
I PICK THE MUSIC
chorus of violins has changed their user name to shitload of harps
legion of zobies has changed their user name to more deusexmachina
shitload of harps:
*plinky music*
SexehSammy:
This is in my mind and I won't let Gene die
more deusexmachina:
*hands DeadGene a fobwatch, hopefully*
shitload of harps:
*plays Mahler's Fifth*
shitload of harps:
*a very moving piece incidentally*
Alex Drake:
shitload of harps has changed their user name to Fobwatch
Fobwatch:
Ouch!
Fobwatch:
Mind where you put your thumbnail, there...
Alex Drake:
No HARPS!
Fobwatch:
I'm not a harp, I'm a fobwatch. Pay attention.
Fobwatch:
*rolls eyes*
Alex Drake:
The only music we can play is cheesy stuff from the 80's.
SexehSammy:
Gene! You bastard you can't leave me!
Alex Drake:
Oh, sorry.
SexehSammy:
*cries and moar emotional turmoil*
more deusexmachina:
*cough*OpenTheWatchSam*cough*
Alex Drake:
Wait a second.
Fobwatch:
I think they had harps, even in the 80's. *sulks*
SexehSammy:
*opens the watch through well of tears*
Alex Drake:
HEY!
Fobwatch:
*feeling like something out of Hitchhiker's Guide*
Fobwatch:
*hits Gene with a blaze of light*
Alex Drake:
My Construct, my rules!
Alex Drake:
...
Fobwatch:
...
more deusexmachina:
... *waits for Timelord!Gene, hopefully*
Fobwatch:
*works really hard*
Alex Drake:
(But which Time Lord is Gene? The Doctor or the Master? Or maybe the Valeyard?)
Fobwatch:
*thinks: how long does this usually take?*
SexehSammy:
*yet moar emotional turmoil*
Alex Drake:
Oh, shut up, Sam.
more deusexmachina:
(Gene's his own timelord. He's The Guv.)
Fobwatch:
Look, hurry it up or I may just change my name to Ordinary Watch.
more deusexmachina:
*cries*
Alex Drake:
(ROFLMAO What a cheesy Time Lord name XD)
Fobwatch:
*beams more blinding light and looks meaningfully at deusexmachina*
Alex Drake:
..........................................................................
more deusexmachina has changed their user name to Timelord!Gene
Fobwatch:
Bugger this! *explodes*
Alex Drake:
*smacks Dead!Gene with the butt of her sword*
Alex Drake:
Wake up, Gene!
Fobwatch has changed their user name to ex-Fobwatch
Timelord!Gene:
*awakens in a burst of light and stands with hands hooked in belt loops*
ex-Fobwatch:
There you go. Don't thank me, just throw me some notes.
SexehSammy:
Gene!
Alex Drake:
*accidently smacks TimeLord!Gene in the knockers*
SexehSammy:
You didn't regenerate?
Alex Drake:
knackers*
Timelord!Gene:
This body's too good lookin' to waste.
Alex Drake:
(knockers = tits, right?)
Timelord!Gene:
Prime specimen of man, me.
ex-Fobwatch:
Knackers = balls, knockers = tits.
ex-Fobwatch:
I think. But what do I know, I'm a fobwatch. (ex)
ex-Fobwatch:
'Course, Alex could have both.
Timelord!Gene:
*grabs his breasts, glaring at Alex*
Alex Drake:
...XD
Alex Drake:
(Sorry! Not breasts, testicles, TimeLord!Gene)
SexehSammy:
O_O
SexehSammy:
Oh thank god
ex-Fobwatch:
Yes, I thought I'd really screwed up there, for a moment.
Timelord!Gene:
Of course they're not breasts. Special Timelord Technology, these. *sniffs and continues to grab

them*
ex-Fobwatch:
The factory would have me in cogs and wheels in no time.
Alex Drake:
You mean, Dalek bumps.
ex-Fobwatch:
*disappears*
SexehSammy:
Rather rubbish fobwatch
ex-Fobwatch has changed their user name to Fobwatch
Alex Drake:
You know...
Fobwatch:
Watch it!
SexehSammy:
Bloody well hope not. If I wanted a bird I'd have one.
Fobwatch:
I can tell things besides time, you know... EUGENE.
Fobwatch:
*disappears again*
Timelord!Gene:
They ain't Dalek! I wouldn' let a Dalek within a month of my magnificent person.
Alex Drake:
*blushes; she's smitten with Gene*
Timelord!Gene:
Timelord Bumps. :|
SexehSammy:
Next thing you know we'll have the bloody Doctor here.
Alex Drake:
*okay, not smitten with Gene anymore*
Fobwatch has changed their user name to crickets
crickets:
...
crickets:
...
Alex Drake:
(damn, I've forgotten who you guys are)
Timelord!Gene:
Oi! That show off ain't gettin' near my city!
Timelord!Gene:
[re: the Doctor]
Alex Drake has changed their user name to The Valeyard
Timelord!Gene:
*kicks a cricket*
The Valeyard:
*kicks Timelord!Gene in the groin*
Timelord!Gene:
! *tackles*
crickets has changed their user name to Dr Frank N Furter
Dr Frank N Furter:
Let's do the Timelord again!
Dr Frank N Furter has changed their user name to bad pun
The Valeyard:
Who the hell are you and why do you look like me?
SexehSammy:
The Valeyard??
Timelord!Gene:
Oh Rassilion, like this city didn't have enough fruits and nutters as it is...
SexehSammy:
(This has to be the crackiest thing ever)
The Valeyard:
Yes, that's my name, don't wear it out, you pansy.
bad pun has changed their user name to crickets
crickets:
Ouch. *rubs rear leg resentfully*
crickets:
You bully!
SexehSammy:
Bloody hell, it was bad enough with just one of him...
crickets has changed their user name to cricket
Timelord!Gene:
Your bloody fault for chirpin' at me.
The Valeyard:
*punches TimeLord!Gene in the gut* I said, why the hell do you look like me?
cricket:
There was. I misspelled.
cricket:
*defiantly* CHIRP.
SexehSammy:
*Just watches in confusion*
Timelord!Gene:
*knees Valeyard in the groin*
Timelord!Gene:
The REAL question, is why the bloody hell do you look like me!
The Valeyard:
*headbutts Gene*
cricket:
*eyes SexehSammy up and down* Well, hel-LO, sailor...
SexehSammy:
O_O
Timelord!Gene:
I understand wishin' you could be like my most magnificent self, but... it's just pathetic really.
cricket:
Is that a warrant badge in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
The Valeyard:
I looked like this before you ever looked like me!
cricket:
*puts move on Sam*
Timelord!Gene:
*stumbles and tries to trip the Valyard*
The Valeyard:
*grabs cricket and throws him out*
cricket:
*slips Sam some cricket tongue*
The Valeyard:
Sam's mine, bitch!
Timelord!Gene:
Oh is that true! Sammy! Who was me first?
SexehSammy:
I don't know who the hell you think you are but I don't think this is the time to try to pull, do you?
cricket:
*bounces several times, then lands on a small patch of soft grass*
The Valeyard:
Also, I don't remember ever having tits.
cricket:
I'm just a poor, humble cricket.
Timelord!Gene:
Who tried to kiss my DI!
SexehSammy:
I'm not having it off with a cricket
Timelord!Gene:
*storms toward the cricket*
cricket:
But *I* remember you having some very nice tits.
cricket:
Well, all of you, actually.
The Valeyard:
*grabs Sam and kisses him*
DeadGeneisSTILLDead has changed their user name to DeadGeneisNOTDead
Timelord!Gene:
*stops* They are quite-- NOT tits, okay, BUMPS.
cricket:
*dodges Gene and hops towards Sam*
The Valeyard:
*then rubs Sam's groin with his hand*
cricket:
Sam!
SexehSammy:
So many Genes *goes to happy place*
Timelord!Gene:
[you may now be Timelord!Gene if you wish sky <3]
cricket has changed their user name to cricket!Gene
cricket!Gene:
I too am Gene.
cricket!Gene has changed their user name to ex-cricket!Gene
DeadGeneisNOTDead:
Oi! Who's been snoggin my DI then! *fumes*
Timelord!Gene:
Oi! You are not me! NO ONE HERE IS ME BUT ME
SexehSammy:
(hahahaha poor cricket is really trying)
ex-cricket!Gene:
Don't pay attention to those other Genes.
Timelord!Gene:
'OO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE
ex-cricket!Gene:
Check it out. I have gloves. They don't.
SexehSammy:
You still look like a Cricket
ex-cricket!Gene:
*strokes Sam's face slowly*
ex-cricket!Gene:
No I don't.
DeadGeneisNOTDead:
Sammy, I'm the REAL Gene.
The Valeyard:
Sam, leave these bastards and let's go. I can show you some real lovin'.
Timelord!Gene:
*happens to have the pimp gloves of Rassilon* Well so do I!
SexehSammy has changed their user name to Confused!Sammy
ex-cricket!Gene:
No more than Gene always does. He has scrawny calves.
DeadGeneisNOTDead has changed their user name to TheREALGene
ex-cricket!Gene has changed their user name to ReallyReallyGene
Confused!Sammy:
He has gorgeous, long legs
ReallyReallyGene:
Me! Mememememe!!!! *points*
TheREALGene:
No, me! *elbows8
The Valeyard:
((I'm confused now))
ReallyReallyGene has changed their user name to ReallyREALGene
The Valeyard:
*shoots all of the fake Genes dead* Right. That's settled.
Timelord!Gene has changed their user name to MostRealGene
ReallyREALGene:
Hullo!
The Valeyard:
I'm the ONLY GENE
Confused!Sammy:
I have a solution
ReallyREALGene has changed their user name to Not Faux Gene
Not Faux Gene:
There!
Not Faux Gene:
Yes, Sammy-boy?
The Valeyard:
*shoots the other Genes*
Not Faux Gene:
My little Deputy Dawg?
TheREALGene has changed their user name to FuckThis, Pub
Confused!Sammy:
The real Gene has this thing he does when we're, you know and only he can do it.
The Valeyard:
What, you noncey fudge packer?
Not Faux Gene:
*protected by millions of whiskey flasks*
MostRealGene has changed their user name to pub crawling
Not Faux Gene has changed their user name to Nelson
Nelson:
Well, might as well open the Arms again. *throws open the doors*
FuckThis, Pub has changed their user name to BoredGene
pub crawling:
*is already inside*
Nelson:
Anyone for chicken in a basket?
Confused!Sammy has changed their user name to NeedsShagged!Sammy
BoredGene has changed their user name to SexehGene
Nelson:
Look Sammy, if no one else will do it, I'LL do it.
The Valeyard:
Oh, I can oblige...*picks up Sam*
SexehGene:
*graps Sam by the lapels and snogs him*
The Valeyard:
*pushes SexehGene away* He's MINE.
Nelson:
About bloody time! *applauds*
Nelson:
Uh - what? *confused*
SexehGene:
*punches TheValeyard*
The Valeyard:
*punches SexehGene*
NeedsShagged!Sammy:
*leans into the kiss*
NeedsShagged!Sammy:
*whimpers*
SexehGene:
Hang on, which bloody kiss?
NeedsShagged!Sammy has changed their user name to SexehSammy
SexehSammy:
Oi!
The Valeyard:
*kisses SexehSammy*
SexehGene:
Noo! He's MINE
SexehSammy:
*pushes you away*
SexehSammy:
I'd know the real Gene anywhere
SexehGene:
*snogs SexehSammy. Properly*
Nelson has changed their user name to crowd of onlookers
crowd of onlookers:
YAY
The Valeyard:
...
SexehGene:
*then does THE THING*
The Valeyard:
Oi! I look like Gene!
crowd of onlookers has changed their user name to crickets
crickets:
Which is what exactly?
SexehSammy:
*wondering whatever happened to Alex*
The Valeyard:
Come on, I'm better than him
crickets:
No you're not.
The Valeyard:
OH FINE. *leaves*
SexehGene:
Oi! I'm doin' THE THING. You're thinking about Drakey?
The Valeyard has changed their user name to Alex Drake
SexehSammy:
Sorry Gene
Alex Drake:
Oh, sorry, just had to reapply makeup...
SexehSammy:
Took you long enough to reapply your makeup
Alex Drake:
Oh, look, you two are having sex on the Railway Arms' floor
Alex Drake:
*is jealous*
Alex Drake:
*can't look away*
crickets:
Ouch. *are crushed*
SexehSammy:
Well... join in or piss off?
Alex Drake:
*arches eyebrow* Are you inviting me to a threesome?
crickets:
*groaning in pain* Piss off... piss off...
SexehSammy:
What do say, Gene? Invite DI Drake?
SexehGene:
*rolls them over so no longer squishing crickets*
crickets:
Ta!
SexehGene:
I say...*snogs Sammy some more*
crickets:
We have no objection to threesomes. We're just crickets.
Alex Drake:
*already has shed her jacket and starts on unbuttoning her skirt*
SexehSammy:
*knew DI Drake was a tart the moment I saw her*
Alex Drake:
...
Alex Drake:
Oh come on! It's a simple question!
crickets:
Mmm. This is hot.
SexehSammy:
M'sorry, what question was that?
Alex Drake:
Um...threesome?
Alex Drake:
With me?
Alex Drake:
What else?
SexehGene:
oh, shut up and let 'er join then
crickets:
Some crickets?
crickets:
*trying to look attractive*
SexehSammy:
*starts kissing Alex's naval, all the way up to her breasts*
SexehGene:
*had too much booze and fell asleep*
Alex Drake:
*moans in pleasure*
SexehSammy:
(is anyone going to actually say anything or am I being forced to write out this really bad sex

scene?)
SexehSammy:
(not gonna force porn on anyone)
crickets:
Hopefully!
SexehGene has changed their user name to SleepyGene
crickets:
We'd write it, but what do we know, we're crickets.
crickets:
I mean, we rub our hind legs together.
SexehSammy:
How did we end up with crickets in this story anyway?
crickets:
Now that's attractive!
Alex Drake:
*surprised that Sam is that good*
SexehSammy:
*takes the right breast in my mouth, suckling on the nipple before turning my attention to the

left, repeating my actions*
SleepyGene:
(is someone still copy/pasting this?)
SexehSammy:
(I probably should do that)
Alex Drake:
Shit, Sam. You do this to Gene, too? *runs her hand down Sam's spine*
pub crawling:
[okay, I've got all since I changed my nickname to Not a Monkey]
SexehSammy:
(I've got all of it)
pub crawling:
[no need for me to copy-paste, then?]
SexehSammy:
(from the moment sky dragged us into this weirdness)
crickets:
Yay!
pub crawling:
[cool beans. *goes back to lurking*]
crickets:
*applauds brave threesome*
SexehSammy:
*licks a trail with warm tongue up to lick and nip at Alex's neck while running my hands over

every bit of flesh I can touch*
pub crawling:
[this NEEDS to be posted somewhere]
Alex Drake:
*runs a hand through Sam's hair and moans*
SexehSammy:
*Pulls Gene close to us, who is being far too idle for my liking and takes turns kissing them both.

Running my tongue trough each of their mouths, tasting everything I can*

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Lucy

June 2013

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